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I would love to post some spiritual uplifting post but honestly don't have on lol! I have been sick for a week now. I sound like a frog and have a nasty cough that gets worse at night along with having a hard time breathing. Yuck!
I have been to church once in three weeks AHHHHHHHHHHH...................... I miss it! And my little Wednesday class with the little guys!
So since August we have had Staph/Strep infections in two children, Impetigo with one child, Molluscum conlagiosum in three to four of the kids,fevers with my oldest and I,coughs with everyone in the house,sore throats in three children and Me, and I lost my voice. We have been to the emergency room three times and doctor twice. Oh I am tired of all this. I have been at home so much I am going crazy with wanting to be around adults. Do something other than clean,teach,cook and repeat!
Yah I am complaining sigh... I know it will get better! Life is so full of twists and turns,ups and downs.....
On the up side I am beginning to think of Christmas and crafts to make. I have found one I want to try but am unsure I have enough time or will be able to do it. I haven't Crocheted in a long time!
My heart is heavy seeing all the pain and hurt that people are dealing with and that people put others through! Oh I wish people weren't so selfish in life! Ahh I know I still am selfish so I am speaking to me as well!

The boys have truly treated me well while I have been sick! I am so Blessed with my boys! They can be so thoughtful! Tonight as I read to them one of them said they wished I felt better,another said I was coughing more. I said it was from me reading so my four year old said,"Mom I think you should only read a little because of your cough" And I did! Sweet things! And they always add me to there prayers.

It has been interesting as I have gotten older (and hopefully wiser lol) to see how God is working in me. I am far from where I need to be. I am continually amazed at how the things I need God provides for me the more I worry less and just be content with what I have. I will give you some what may seem silly examples. I was in need of some decent tennis shoes. I needed them yet it isn't like a desperate kind of need and also new I was gonna need some winter shoes( that was more important then tennis shoes). I hadn't even looked at shoes just would think of it from time to time. There is just to much other things that need taken care of. Well Just this week I got a pair of both in my size free! Also I was in need of a stove with a working oven. ( I had taped the heating element once when it was hot cause geese had dripped on it and it broke lol,yah stupid I know). I hadn't pressed the issue or complained( something I would have done in the past).I actually wasn't worried( odd for me). I went a good three months or more without a working oven. I finally called swap shop about a stove but again wasn't to worried. I got a couple calls and we were gonna go look at one for $100.00 that weekend. I ended up taking my sister and brother-in-law to the recycle shed at the dump and guess what! There was a stove in great condition and clean and my brother-in-law was able to put it in his van for me. I wouldn't have been able to get it if he wasn't there. And best of all it was FREE! It continues to happen to me on a constant biases. I don't worry much anymore. I mean God always provides what I need and the more I worry and try to find ways to make things work the harder it seems. Simple prayers said to the Almighty God and faith that in His time and His way we will be provided for!
My mom comments often of how blessed I am and is continually amazed! I am becoming less amazed and realizing it is simply that God does and will provide for those who love and trust him. I am learning the true meaning of trusting God and having faith. It doesn't mean say the words,pray,say God will take care of it then worry and try to figure it out lol! That is taking control.I want God to be in control therefor I tell Him what I am in need of and wait to see how He will provide without stressin over it. It is fun to see how it all comes about.

It is amazing how my enemy can get to me without me truly understanding and putting a stop to it. Why in the world would I let him consistently put doubts,fears,anger,and resentful thoughts that turn into feelings into my life? Because I don't think much of myself so it is easy to accept the thoughts instead of fighting them off like I should in the very beginning. Oh of course my enemy is Satan and myself.
But I am taking a stand and will fight out of this! Sigh I am SO glad I can actually say that without doubt!
It wont all go away instantly I know because I have believed the lies for to long! I am a loved daughter of God and will learn to act accordingly! Not in self doubt,fear,nor thinking less of myself than the others I see as more spiritual then me! I just need to decide that knowing God is the most important factor in my life and dive head long into learning to be an obedient servant and daughter of Jesus Christ! One more step out of the box!
Ha I will become what God wants me to be and quit focusing on what seems impossible and just walk where God says to walk fully trusting Him and not leaving the path He sets before me!
I will quit saying I can't out of fear or intimidation. I can if God tells me to cause He will only give me what I can handle! And I will learn to lean on Gods understanding not mine!

So I have found my self desiring to have a baby agian. Lol I can't believe I am saying this lol! Things are not easy with four yet.. I adore my life and children and feel so utterly Blessed! I would say it is a God thing cause I haven't wanted a baby in about 2 years.
Lol some girls at church have said I should have more cause they are so cute! Now isn't that a good reason to have kids? LOL! Everyone says we should have a girl. I don't know about that.
Well I need to go start supper. Whatever that will be. Don't know yet and wish I didn't have to cook. I wish Aaron could do supper more often. I love it when he does even though it takes a tad longer cause he cleans up everything so well lol! Not me! Ha Ha!

Like so many people I have been hurt in so many ways. Most of them few now about. Part of my learning to forgive. I have been used,lied to and about,threatened,called names,devistated to the point of not wanting to live yet God has always been right there with me through each hurt and pain I have ever dealt with! He has always been my one and only Rock I lean on for all things!
I have had people tell me I don't know what it's like to have.... happen to me. That was a hard one for me. Cause oh yes I do!!! More than They or many know.
Forgiveness is so important to me. I new without forgiving those that have soo hurt me I wouldn't make it. So I have continually cried out to God to help me and to show me each area I need to work on and give my pain and hurt to God when I know there is no more I can do about it.
I am not where I know I should be but I know I am on my way one step at a time. The one that has hurt me the most I can say I love more than before.He is my best friend, my husband. Do I still deal with hurts,fears,anger,distrust,pain,resentment? Yes they continually arise. I continually give them to God and tell satan where he can go :) I am learning to recognize satans attacks on me,my mind and trying to destroy my marriage and family. Thank you God for that!
My God is bigger than my hurt and pain! I sat out in an open field and watched the sunrise this morning and just was in amazement at seeing Gods glory and new that He can and will take care of all my hurt pain and fears. In His way and His time! Not mine.
I can not allow hurt,anger,fear,pain,resentment,distrust etc. to rule my life! I know that they are oposit of what God wants for me and will fight them until God comes and takes me home!

Forgiving Others

Hurt and disappointment inflicted by others is an inevitable experience that we all must face at some point in our lives. We have no control over the actions of others or the negative feelings their actions can sometimes evoke. We can either perpetuate the feelings of hurt and disappointment or accept what has happened and begin moving on.
When someone has done us wrong, it’s common for us to take on the role of the victim. The key is not to exploit this role for attention, sympathy and confirmation, which is very easy to do (and you may not even realize that you are doing it). After getting hurt, you really just want to know that at least someone out there cares and that someone is on your side, right? There are plenty of people that care and that are on your side, but this isn’t really the ideal way to go about soliciting their support. (i.e. Telling anyone who will listen about what so & so did to you)

When you ignore someone, talk badly about them, are rude to them, don’t forgive them, etc…you are clearly indicating that you have not yet gotten past the pain that they caused you. In addition to prolonging the drama, you are either consciously or subconsciously trying to spread your pain to them. These are not good, healthy ways to deal with your emotions and get closure. Often times, this causes you to carry baggage into your future relationships. (i.e. Having trust issues because someone cheated on you)

As far as closure goes, I hear too often of people seeking closure from the person that hurt them. It’s natural to want to know what someone was thinking, why they hurt you, if they ever cared about you. 99% of the time, you are not going to get the answers to those questions because nobody likes to admit when they are wrong or dwell on poor decisions. Often times, there really isn’t a valid explanation to be offered if they have even thought about it. I think that actively seeking closure is most times unrealistic. It can’t be forced. Additionally, the person that hurt you could potentially identify that your closure is dependent on them and take advantage of that. (i.e. Everytime you try to walk away, they do or say something to pull you back into the same emotional rollercoaster)

Forgiveness is something that you do on your own time and of your own will. It should not be dependent on anyone but you. Once, in a conversation about someone hurting me, my dad gave me some really good advice. He told me that you just have to take people for what they are. Regardless of what they did to you, now you know what they are capable of and not to put yourself in that position again and/or to be more cautious. He told me to make the conscious decision to LET IT GO and no longer let anyone or anything (that most times aren’t even worth your time and energy) steal your joy.

If the person that hurt you has apologized and still wants to pursue a friendship or relationship with you, then this is at your discretion. If you choose to continue to deal with this person, you should be a little cautious but also make sure you have truly forgiven them. You can’t hold the past against them when you insinuate that you have forgiven them and are trying to move on. This is taking a step backwards. If you find that you can’t move on with that person serving as a constant reminder of the hurt and disappointment that you experienced, then perhaps it’s a sign that they are no more forward steps in the relationship. At which point, it would be best to continue pursuing the forward steps to forgiveness and moving on independently.

I think that forgiveness is a huge part of the maturation process. Forgiveness in itself is a process whose length and difficulty vary by situation. Sometimes, we feel as though certain things could just never ever be forgiven. I urge you to remember that you are not perfect and have also inflicted hurt and disappointment to someone else at some point in your life. Hopefully, all encounters with forgiveness (forgiving others, others forgiving us and us forgiving ourselves) are lessons learned about how we allow others to treat us, how we treat others and how we treat ourselves
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