Confessions of a Legal Immigrant | The Black Sphere

Confessions of a Legal Immigrant | The Black Sphere

Man I really miss my Hubby! I miss being able to talk to him after work about anything and everything. I miss shopping with him and watching the kids attack him! You don't realise how much you talk to your spouce until you are not able to talk to them for awhile. I can't even text him and expect an answer like I do all the time normally!
I am just sooooooooooooo glad he will be back so soon! I cannot wait!!!!

I have to remind myself often that when I hear a radio cast or sermon and it makes me think of differnt people in my life ( not finger pointing here just so everyone understands that) that God has me hearing it for me and that is why I am hearing it and to focus on how God may be trying to show me something about me that I am not seeing. There must be something I am not seeing then or need to learn for now or later in life. Lol alot of seeing isn't there!

Well my downstairs bathroom is getting a make over and my house seems to just be getting more messed up lol! I have done mudding,sanding mud and will be sealing the walls and then painting them. I am starting to feel I know something about repairing things lol But I know it is very little knowledge that I have! :)

My 2 year old continues to get into things. I am tired of him coming to me with something on his hands saying,"Yuck"! LOL today it was aarons shaving gel and toothpaste! Sigh......... At least we invested in a carpet cleaner! MAn do we need it!!!!!!!

Having Kids

I have to start by saying I adore my children and thank God for them all the time! I have been for the past two years dealing with the issue of having more children. There are so many beliefs and many people have their own beliefs. I feel children are a great gift from God and have and are teaching me much about life,love,God,faith etc.
Yet after going through some hard times in the last two years I have gone through many feelings about having more kids. For awhile I felt that if I were to become pregnant I would be very angry with God. I know that sounds harsh but that is were I was at in my life. I was healing from much emotional pain and just felt like it would be mean of God to allow that to happen. I also do not believe in using most about all birth control that is out there nore am I gonna pay for an opperation.Sigh.. I prayed and gave my feelings,fears,anger to God. It has slowly changed.
I still don't particularly want to be pregnant ..yet when I look at my boys I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have another.
I have taken precautions. My husband wasn't ready for more kids either. He has now said if it happens it happens with a smile but doesn't want persay to not be careful to keep it from happening.
Yet as of late I have stuggled with it because I feel that I need to give control of this to God. To trust Him to allow or stop me from getting pregnant. I know He created me in such a way to bring forth life. Who am I to take control of that? Yet am I ready to have another child? I am not old but am getting older. My body has gotten very close to normal for the first time in about 8 years. I have a two year old in the stubborn stage and a highly acctive lol 3 year old and homeschool.
Oh I know I could and would be able to handle it if it happened but the struggle between letting go of me and my wants etc and to let God decide how many children I have..... Hmmmm I feel I need to let that control go yet God knows I am not sure I am able to yet.

THere have been times I felt like getting rid of all my baby things. Feeling like the baby stage of my life is over. And maybe it is but I don't know that since I have taken measure to make sure it didn't happen.

I struggle with letting go!
I am not around people who have four kids or more. I know they are around but most of them that I have met have older kids.
Today I went to get my hair cut,Lowes,Walmart and of course had all my kids with me. Can't say it went very well either. I don't want to even try to think what it would be like trying to do that with four kids and a baby! Man! ANd yes I had too! Well I could have called a friend but I hate to do that to them and it took way longer then I thought it would.

I know now why though I don't see other parents with so many kids. They don't take them out as a group often lol especially when shopping. But when Daddys not able to go I have no choice.

Will I have more kids? THat is yet to be seen!

So today was my first day of teaching VBS. Thankgoodness I wasn't alone and had a wonderful friend as my co-teachers.We were Cree indians and talking about how God came to our chief and he began serving the Great Peace Chief God. It was really fun and we had four kids who raised their hands to ask God to help them love him. It was great! All my boys enjoyed their class's. My K said it was great and told me all the things he did,My J said he really liked it and My C said kinda because there was too much talking and they didn't play games long enough lol! My E had a friend and stayed in the nursery most of the time but then in the end came with us on our treasure hunt. It was so fun holding his little hand as we walked around. The kids liked having him with us as well. We had alot of boys that were more high strung kids but since I have had K and E it wasn't anything new to me thankgoodness!!!!!! I think I will be so much more ready for it tomorrow.
The story we tell the kids is really good about a Chief who learned about God from a man who came and translated the The Bible into Cree. His father was then killed by white settlers and later at a peace treaty gathering he was told that that man who had killed his father was there in the crowd. The Chief had him braught to him,had them take off his cloths which was a sign that he was going to kill him but then had them dress him in his (the chiefs)best cloths and given his best horse and said the man was now his father and to go tell all that this is how he treated his enemys. I watched as the boys sat there so quietly and one with his eyes so big in amazement! I loved it!
Of coure that is a small part of the story.
I am glad to be doing this and C loves that I am one of the teachers and he will be in my class. Lol! Sweet boy! As he was passing my class tonight he stopped and said,"Hows it going?" Oh so sweet! What four wonderful gifts from God I have!!!!!!

Do we really let people know who we really are? Maybe some do but many don't. Why because we know and believe that if people new our faults,insecuritys,fears,bad thoughts,anger,pain,past sins,present stuggles that they will put us down,look down on us,point fingers,judge,you name it.
When I think of Christ and how he treated people. People caught in sin,dirty people not even asking for forgivness yet how he treated them was amazing!


And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with [his] finger wrote on the ground, [as though he heard them not].
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard [it], being convicted by [their own] conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, [even] unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. John 8:3-12

I so want to be able to be like Christ. I want to see people and not see the sin as the focus but to be able to see a sinner as someone that Christ loves and hurts to see them in thier sin and be able to reach out to them without fear of how they or others will look at me. To think less of me and more of others! To forgive quickly,speak up boldly in love and confidence the truth even if it will make someone mad,to show kindness to those who don't deserve it, TO BE LIKE CHRIST!
I am not even close to were I seek to be! But the journey isn't over yet Thank God!!!
I will continue to fight fear and being judgmental,and being selfish etc. and I will win more and more each day as I give each thing to Christ who is my one and only above all else!

The Jesus Center Reunion was a Blast!! I was sooo touched by the worship!!! It was awesome seeing people give Honor to the origanal men who started and led the church even when there had been many hurts among them. They were so loving and humble!
It was great to hear others whom had witnessed my father and mothers relationship and speak of how tight they were and loved eachother like few do. How they were an example to them and for their marriage now! That was such a nice thing to hear. I asked them to pray about writing some things they remember down for me. I sure hope they will and soon but wont get my hopes up to much. They are busy people.
I just loved being around such loving and caring people. I didn't remember probably half of them but many many of them remembered me lol!
Christian got to play football and made new friends. We played in the rain,eat,sang,worshiped, and talked. I am sooo glad I went!!!!!!!
It was wonderful seeing Marsha and Gordan again!!!! Gordan spoke of coming down sometime during the winter. Oh I hope so!!!!!
And now we are home!!!! Yes! Even though it was a blast and I got to see family as well I am happy to be home!!!!
God is sooo good! I adore Him and Love watching the amazing things he does all around me!!! I could ask for nothing more important in life than to have a Heavenly Father whom loves me no matter what! And forgives me for all my mistakes and doesn't put them back in my face to remind me of them! His grace is sooo amazing and His love sooo sweet! None can compare!!!!

Oh I am soo excited! I have pumkin,garlic,watermelon,corn,tomatoes and green beans all coming up in my garden! Yeh!!! I am hoping I get carrots and potatoes this year I haven't had much luck with them so far. My green beans I didn't plant at least not on purpose. I pulled up the ones from last year and left the dead plants in the garden and there were some beans on them and they got tilled into the ground and came back up lol! that has happened two years in a row now it is fun! lol!
Well I'm heading to bed! I am utterly exhausted! I fell asleep on the boys floor waiting for Ethan to fall asleep and the older boys to finish thier bath. House isn't in order but it is staying that way until tomorrow lol! I need rest!!!!! Bed here I come!