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Like so many people I have been hurt in so many ways. Most of them few now about. Part of my learning to forgive. I have been used,lied to and about,threatened,called names,devistated to the point of not wanting to live yet God has always been right there with me through each hurt and pain I have ever dealt with! He has always been my one and only Rock I lean on for all things!
I have had people tell me I don't know what it's like to have.... happen to me. That was a hard one for me. Cause oh yes I do!!! More than They or many know.
Forgiveness is so important to me. I new without forgiving those that have soo hurt me I wouldn't make it. So I have continually cried out to God to help me and to show me each area I need to work on and give my pain and hurt to God when I know there is no more I can do about it.
I am not where I know I should be but I know I am on my way one step at a time. The one that has hurt me the most I can say I love more than before.He is my best friend, my husband. Do I still deal with hurts,fears,anger,distrust,pain,resentment? Yes they continually arise. I continually give them to God and tell satan where he can go :) I am learning to recognize satans attacks on me,my mind and trying to destroy my marriage and family. Thank you God for that!
My God is bigger than my hurt and pain! I sat out in an open field and watched the sunrise this morning and just was in amazement at seeing Gods glory and new that He can and will take care of all my hurt pain and fears. In His way and His time! Not mine.
I can not allow hurt,anger,fear,pain,resentment,distrust etc. to rule my life! I know that they are oposit of what God wants for me and will fight them until God comes and takes me home!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Forgiving Others
Hurt and disappointment inflicted by others is an inevitable experience that we all must face at some point in our lives. We have no control over the actions of others or the negative feelings their actions can sometimes evoke. We can either perpetuate the feelings of hurt and disappointment or accept what has happened and begin moving on.
When someone has done us wrong, it’s common for us to take on the role of the victim. The key is not to exploit this role for attention, sympathy and confirmation, which is very easy to do (and you may not even realize that you are doing it). After getting hurt, you really just want to know that at least someone out there cares and that someone is on your side, right? There are plenty of people that care and that are on your side, but this isn’t really the ideal way to go about soliciting their support. (i.e. Telling anyone who will listen about what so & so did to you)
When you ignore someone, talk badly about them, are rude to them, don’t forgive them, etc…you are clearly indicating that you have not yet gotten past the pain that they caused you. In addition to prolonging the drama, you are either consciously or subconsciously trying to spread your pain to them. These are not good, healthy ways to deal with your emotions and get closure. Often times, this causes you to carry baggage into your future relationships. (i.e. Having trust issues because someone cheated on you)
As far as closure goes, I hear too often of people seeking closure from the person that hurt them. It’s natural to want to know what someone was thinking, why they hurt you, if they ever cared about you. 99% of the time, you are not going to get the answers to those questions because nobody likes to admit when they are wrong or dwell on poor decisions. Often times, there really isn’t a valid explanation to be offered if they have even thought about it. I think that actively seeking closure is most times unrealistic. It can’t be forced. Additionally, the person that hurt you could potentially identify that your closure is dependent on them and take advantage of that. (i.e. Everytime you try to walk away, they do or say something to pull you back into the same emotional rollercoaster)
Forgiveness is something that you do on your own time and of your own will. It should not be dependent on anyone but you. Once, in a conversation about someone hurting me, my dad gave me some really good advice. He told me that you just have to take people for what they are. Regardless of what they did to you, now you know what they are capable of and not to put yourself in that position again and/or to be more cautious. He told me to make the conscious decision to LET IT GO and no longer let anyone or anything (that most times aren’t even worth your time and energy) steal your joy.
If the person that hurt you has apologized and still wants to pursue a friendship or relationship with you, then this is at your discretion. If you choose to continue to deal with this person, you should be a little cautious but also make sure you have truly forgiven them. You can’t hold the past against them when you insinuate that you have forgiven them and are trying to move on. This is taking a step backwards. If you find that you can’t move on with that person serving as a constant reminder of the hurt and disappointment that you experienced, then perhaps it’s a sign that they are no more forward steps in the relationship. At which point, it would be best to continue pursuing the forward steps to forgiveness and moving on independently.
I think that forgiveness is a huge part of the maturation process. Forgiveness in itself is a process whose length and difficulty vary by situation. Sometimes, we feel as though certain things could just never ever be forgiven. I urge you to remember that you are not perfect and have also inflicted hurt and disappointment to someone else at some point in your life. Hopefully, all encounters with forgiveness (forgiving others, others forgiving us and us forgiving ourselves) are lessons learned about how we allow others to treat us, how we treat others and how we treat ourselves
http://www.seefurtherthaniam.com/?p=690
When someone has done us wrong, it’s common for us to take on the role of the victim. The key is not to exploit this role for attention, sympathy and confirmation, which is very easy to do (and you may not even realize that you are doing it). After getting hurt, you really just want to know that at least someone out there cares and that someone is on your side, right? There are plenty of people that care and that are on your side, but this isn’t really the ideal way to go about soliciting their support. (i.e. Telling anyone who will listen about what so & so did to you)
When you ignore someone, talk badly about them, are rude to them, don’t forgive them, etc…you are clearly indicating that you have not yet gotten past the pain that they caused you. In addition to prolonging the drama, you are either consciously or subconsciously trying to spread your pain to them. These are not good, healthy ways to deal with your emotions and get closure. Often times, this causes you to carry baggage into your future relationships. (i.e. Having trust issues because someone cheated on you)
As far as closure goes, I hear too often of people seeking closure from the person that hurt them. It’s natural to want to know what someone was thinking, why they hurt you, if they ever cared about you. 99% of the time, you are not going to get the answers to those questions because nobody likes to admit when they are wrong or dwell on poor decisions. Often times, there really isn’t a valid explanation to be offered if they have even thought about it. I think that actively seeking closure is most times unrealistic. It can’t be forced. Additionally, the person that hurt you could potentially identify that your closure is dependent on them and take advantage of that. (i.e. Everytime you try to walk away, they do or say something to pull you back into the same emotional rollercoaster)
Forgiveness is something that you do on your own time and of your own will. It should not be dependent on anyone but you. Once, in a conversation about someone hurting me, my dad gave me some really good advice. He told me that you just have to take people for what they are. Regardless of what they did to you, now you know what they are capable of and not to put yourself in that position again and/or to be more cautious. He told me to make the conscious decision to LET IT GO and no longer let anyone or anything (that most times aren’t even worth your time and energy) steal your joy.
If the person that hurt you has apologized and still wants to pursue a friendship or relationship with you, then this is at your discretion. If you choose to continue to deal with this person, you should be a little cautious but also make sure you have truly forgiven them. You can’t hold the past against them when you insinuate that you have forgiven them and are trying to move on. This is taking a step backwards. If you find that you can’t move on with that person serving as a constant reminder of the hurt and disappointment that you experienced, then perhaps it’s a sign that they are no more forward steps in the relationship. At which point, it would be best to continue pursuing the forward steps to forgiveness and moving on independently.
I think that forgiveness is a huge part of the maturation process. Forgiveness in itself is a process whose length and difficulty vary by situation. Sometimes, we feel as though certain things could just never ever be forgiven. I urge you to remember that you are not perfect and have also inflicted hurt and disappointment to someone else at some point in your life. Hopefully, all encounters with forgiveness (forgiving others, others forgiving us and us forgiving ourselves) are lessons learned about how we allow others to treat us, how we treat others and how we treat ourselves
http://www.seefurtherthaniam.com/?p=690
Grace is not a thing which I use; grace is something which uses me. But people talk of grace sometimes as if it was something they could use, and not as influence having power over them. Grace is something not which I improve, but which improves, employs me, works on me...Grace is a thing which comes and exercises an influence on us.– CH Spurgeon
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sundays sermon was called Fear Not. God is continually working on that with me. I need reminded often how fear is not from God but Satan. I also realize how often satan puts so many thoughts into my head and I have dwellet on them way to often. I used to think that there had to be something wrong with me because of all the odd terrible,crazy,mean,fearful,arrogant,deceptive,selfish thoughts that I have yet I realize most of those are not my thoughts but things satan wispers into my mind and I have to take authority against them. I refuse to allow satan to win this fight. With Christ I don't have to fear but just continually give my thoughts, feelings, fears,people etc over to God and let Him deal with them(satan).
It is so wonderful to have a relationship with my husband that even if my fears and thoughts have to do with him I can be honest and open with him and he is so sweet and honest and open right back,suportive, and uplifting using scripture and love to help me. It hasn't always been this way with us. We have been through many hard times in our relationship.Many times that in the natural eye it didn't seem or look like we'd make it or ever have a close relationship.Many painful things said and done that seemed to a human eye that couldn't or maybe shouldn't be forgiven or could change changed. But when you give those times and your spouse to God and pray pray hard you get to sit back and watch God move and change you,your spouce and your marriage.
Being surrounded by friends that were supportive you both of you and there strong in prayer and love and incouraging me of what Gods word says and of words of knowledge and wisdom was sooo amazing! God spoke so many things to me there was no way I could turn away but only continue to press forward no matter how hurt I was or wanted to give up,get angry,strike back. God is just sooo amazing!!!!
If you ever have struggles and those around you are negative or point out what you have a right to do or feel get away and get away fast. Gods way and mans way are two different things.
It is so wonderful to have a relationship with my husband that even if my fears and thoughts have to do with him I can be honest and open with him and he is so sweet and honest and open right back,suportive, and uplifting using scripture and love to help me. It hasn't always been this way with us. We have been through many hard times in our relationship.Many times that in the natural eye it didn't seem or look like we'd make it or ever have a close relationship.Many painful things said and done that seemed to a human eye that couldn't or maybe shouldn't be forgiven or could change changed. But when you give those times and your spouse to God and pray pray hard you get to sit back and watch God move and change you,your spouce and your marriage.
Being surrounded by friends that were supportive you both of you and there strong in prayer and love and incouraging me of what Gods word says and of words of knowledge and wisdom was sooo amazing! God spoke so many things to me there was no way I could turn away but only continue to press forward no matter how hurt I was or wanted to give up,get angry,strike back. God is just sooo amazing!!!!
If you ever have struggles and those around you are negative or point out what you have a right to do or feel get away and get away fast. Gods way and mans way are two different things.
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