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God uses this kind of thing to teach each of us something new. At least I feel it has for me. God is good and loves me when I don't deserve it! I am glad he is over my life and no one else!!!!!!!!
This speaks to me of many many things and relationships in my life!I am sure it does to many who read it from the web site. It is always good to be reminded by others of ways to deal with things. I love looking at these kinds of articles and seeing how I can take some or all of it and measure my life and actions by them and with prayer of course. This is a good reminder!
Broken Friendships
Dr. Todd Linaman
Cindy and Lisa met at church, and soon became close friends. They spent time talking, hiking, taking their children on outings, and playing tennis. They encouraged, advised and comforted each other and shared their greatest hopes, dreams, and fears. After five years, Cindy sensed that Lisa was pulling away. The calls decreased, dinner invitations stopped and the usual warm greetings at church began to feel awkward and forced.
At first, Cindy shrugged it off, thinking Lisa was just busy with her family and other commitments. When several weeks passed without any contact, Cindy asked Lisa to lunch. Instead
of hearing that Lisa was incredibly busy and overcommitted, Cindy was met with an unexpected barrage of anger and harsh accusations. Lunch was a disaster and Cindy left feeling shocked and confused. Despite several attempts at reconciliation, the friendship couldn’t be restored and Cindy was left to pick up the pieces of her broken heart.
When a relationship ends, it can leave you feeling rejected, unloved, inadequate and angry. When you’ve exhausted all attempts to reconcile without success, it’s important to direct
your attention toward healing the hurt, letting go, and moving forward.
Healing the hurt of a broken relationship
I’ve identified and included the following seven suggestions to help you cope with a damaged or hurt friendship. Study them, and then apply them to your broken friendships.
Exercise your faith
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God knows what you’re going through – loss, pain, disappointment, and anger are no strangers to Him. He longs to encourage and strengthen you. Healing begins when you exercise your faith and believe that He will keep His promises.
Take ownership
Moving forward in the aftermath of a broken relationship involves taking personal ownership of the role you may have played in its demise. Romans 3:23 says we’ve all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory and that sin can include destructive attitudes and actions that play out in our interaction with others. We can all be neglectful, insensitive, selfish, or inconsiderate at times. To deny the possibility that you contributed to the problem, to some degree, can almost guarantee resentment and anger.
Extend grace
When you’re seriously wronged by someone claiming to love you, you must choose whether or not to hold onto the offense and allow bitterness to take up residence. If you do, remember that you’re the one who is likely to be seriously harmed by it. To be truly liberated from your pain you must choose to extend grace to the offender, no matter what they’ve done. Forgiveness not only frees you emotionally, but Matthew 6:14 also teaches that forgiving others is directly tied to God forgiving you.
Express the pain
There are many ways to process the pain of a significant loss, but few are as destructive as silencing its voice. Unacknowledged and unexpressed pain can become a source of stress, as well as a barrier to future relational intimacy. Honestly and constructively talk about your experience with a trusted friend or family member, or perhaps your pastor or a professional counselor.
Take the high road
Benjamin Franklin once said, “I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.” To speak poorly of someone who hurt you only proves that you’re holding a
grudge and that your goal is revenge. To combat this temptation, pray as David did in Psalm 19:14, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Be willing to follow the directive given in 1 Peter 3:8 as well: “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
Focus on the blessings
When a relationship breaks, it’s normal and natural to think about what you’ve lost. However, it’s always better to try focusing on what you gained or how you benefited from the relationship. Memories of fun, laughter, companionship, support, and intimacy don’t have to be lost along with the friendship. Acknowledge the blessings and do your best to maintain a grateful heart as in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Embrace those who love you
When suffering the loss of a relationship, it’s important to turn toward and embrace the people in your life who love you. Allow God to use these relationships to comfort you and give you hope to move forward (2 Corinthians 1:3).
A friend forever
Even when you’ve done your best to choose good friendships, you may still experience times of rejection. If someone has wounded you, it’s natural to want to construct a protective shield, insulate your emotions, and vow never to be vulnerable again. This may remove the threat of rejection, but at the high cost of loneliness and the loss of satisfaction in another relationship.
You may hurt so intensely you feel nobody could understand the extent of your wounds. But Jesus can. No one has ever experienced the rejection He did. The hatred against Him was so profound that it ultimately led to His execution on the cross. Not only was He rejected by the religious leadership, He was abandoned by His closest friends at the time of His greatest need.
Jesus’ love for His friends – and for you – took Him to Calvary. When you accept Christ’s incredible gift of salvation, you’ve made a Friend who will never fail you. When you’re lonely, He is present; when you’re maligned, He knows the truth; when you’re ill, He offers hope; when you’re lost, He shows the way. He promises, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Never. What an awesome Friend!
I have many friends! And lost one this year. It hurts but I know we do have good memories and I wish her only the best! God uses this kind of thing to teach each of us something new. At least I feel it has for me. God is good and loves me when I don't deserve it! I am glad he is over my life and no one else!!!!!!!!
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